User Profile

Billions of consciousnesses silt history full, and every one of them the center of the universe.
-John Updike


I am 27 years old, a waitress and single mother, a writer and would-be poet.
I'm reasonably bright, absentminded and clumsy; superstitious and practical, driven by brief storms of inspiration, as directionless and random, that only occasionally turn out something worth keeping.

I grew up in Sherrard, Illinois, a tiny rural village of about 700 people. It's a spot of civilization in a region mostly dominated by fields of corn and soybeans; the roads are narrow and unpaved, and very little of the town has changed since its founding in 1894.

I was happy there for the most part; it was the definition of a sheltered childhood. The most crime Sherrard ever experienced was teenage drinking; it was a clean, open, quiet town.
As a teenager, I spent many evenings in the cemetary, quietly writing in my composition books; I would walk around the tiny village at night with my friends, and spent many afternoons in the nearby woods, wandering along the deer trails into the forest.

The house we lived in was haunted. It was built in 1883, somewhere near New Windsor; as was often the case with the homes of coal miners, it was physically moved to Sherrard when its owner took a job at the mines there.
Music can be heard in the house at night; my mother's organ would play at night, and when my son was little, he had a Playskool piano that would play by itself. Many of his musical toys had a habit of going off by themselves, and I woke up more than once hearing music playing in my bedroom.
I recorded three seperate voices on an audio tape when I was sixteen, in an attempt to tape my sister on the telephone. I had never heard of EVPs at the time, and was shocked to hear three whispering voices talking amongst themselves on the audiotape.
They replied to things my sister said, made garbled, but very clear statements
"I can't charge anybody, hahaha"
"Blank kids a come."
and at one point there was a sustained, high electrical sound on the tape.
As I was coming back up the stairs to my bedroom, audibly, one of the voices whispered "Kim is coming back."
This tape could probably earn me millions, if I could find it. As far as EVP recordings it's an amazing specimen; unfortunately the tape was lost, and it's one of the missions of my life to locate it again.

I had my problems to escape. My mother was an angry and violent person, and I had a stepfather who couldn't keep his hands off me; I fled these things through my forays into the woods, and through my writing. I was a compulsive journaler in high school; poems, short stories and journal entries were scattered through my house filled the trunk of my car.
I kept composition books, and over four years, filled thirty of them; I still have many of these, yellowing and bent as they are.

At 19, I decided I had had enough of my life in Sherrard, the sleepy little town, with my stepfather, whose presence I could no longer tolerate. I met a man on the Internet, Jerry Buchanan, and three months later moved to California with him.
It remains the greatest mistake I ever made. An account of the trip is in my Memories, under 'On California". The only rewarding result of that ill-concieved idea was my son.


He is now six years old, and his name is Jeremiah Chance. I was a ship always sailing into storms, before I had him; a Burroughs character waiting to happen. He changed my life, and I love him desperately.

I am in a very happy relationship now with sniperjoe. He moved out here to live with me from New York, for which I'm very grateful and happy. We fight, but not very much ;)

I waver frequently in personality. Today I might be moody and much too overdramatic, tomorrow I'm stable and cheerful, and the next day I'm in horror over the ghost in my bedroom closet.
I don't make sense, I'm sorry. ;)

I always welcome people to my friends list. If you add me, I'll add you as well; if you don't want to comment and let me know, it might be a couple days, but I'll see you. When I do, I'll add you.

I've got a very strong sympathy to the gothic culture. I can't be hardcore about it, it doesn't pay well enough, but I love most aspects of the culture and mindset.

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